You've seen the best of me

Fattened up
Shored up
Shoved out

no way to reach out
beyond the reaching out I've already done

you will always have a piece of me
because you held my life in your hands

those brutal hands

this will end me

I thought it was silent
till it went silent

how have you inspired this pain?

I've never understood
what it is I'm not supposed to feel
like a bird on the wing of a swollen sky
my mind is torn by lightning
as it flies from the thunder behind

Hatch opens
Stark light
and Nothing
Nothing
see Nothing

What am I like?
the child of negation

out of one torture chamber into another
a vile succession of errors without remission
every step of the way I've fallen

I hope you never understand
Because I like you

I like you
I like you

still black water
as deep as forever
as cold as the sky
I shall freeze in hell

I don’t know where to look anymore

Tired of crowd searching
Telepathy
and hope

Watch the stars
predict the past
and change the world with a silver eclipse

the only thing that is permanent is destruction
we're all going to disappear
trying to leave a mark that is more permanent than myself

the capture
the rapture
the rupture
of a soul

you're breaking me

watch me vanish

It is myself who I have never met, whose face is pasted on the underside of my mind.


please open the curtains






It’s just
fucking
over


abstraction to the point of

unpleasant
unacceptable
uninspiring
impenetrable

irrelevant
irreverent
irreligious
unrepentant

dislike
dislocate
disembody
deconstruct

irrespective

irrational
irreducible
irredeemable
unrecognisable

derailed
deranged
deform
free form

obscure to the point of

True Right Correct
Anyone or anybody
Each every all

drowning in a sea of logic
this monstrous state of palsy

still ill

the televion talks
full of eyes
the spirits of sight

and now I am so afraid

I'm seeing things
I'm hearing things
I don't know who I am

How do I stop?
How do I stop?
How do I stop?
How do I stop?
How do I stop?
How do I stop?
How do I stop?
How do I stop?

Every act is a symbol

cease this war

and it shall come to pass
All this shall come to pass

Remember the light and believe the light.

Here I am
and there is my body

dancing on glass

to achieve goals and ambitions
to overcome obstacles and attain a high standard
to increase self-regard by the successful excercise of talent
to overcome opposition
to have control and influence over others
to defend myself
to defend my psychological space
to vindicate the ego
to recieve attention
to be seen and herd
to excite, amaze, fascinate, shock, intrigue, amuse, entertain or entice others
to be free from social restrictions
to resist coercion and constriction
to be independant and act according to desire
to defy convention
to avoid pain
to avoid shame
to obliterate past humiliation by resumed action
to maintain self-respect
to repress fear
to overcome weakness
to elong
to be accepted
to draw close and enjoyably reciprocate with another
to converse in a friendly manner, to tell stories, exchange sentiments, ideas, secrets
to communicate, to converse
to laugh and make jokes
to win affection of desired Other
to adhere and remain loyal to Other
to feed, help, protect, comfort, console, support, nurse or heal
to be fed, helped, protected, comforted, consoled, supported, nursed or healed
to form mutually enjoyable, enduring, cooperating and reciprocating relationship with Other, with an equal
to be forgiven
to be loved
to be free.

You've seen the worst of me

(---The words of Sarah Kane. They all mean something to me.)

and it shall come to pass
All this shall come to pass

You've seen the best of me.