Almost time.

Well, that was interesting.

checklist
pole danced -done
made out with a loser -done
dity danced with the guy your mate likes -done
thrown water at said friend -done
drank too much -done countless times
like a guy but dont know whats going on -done. doing.
hated your parents -done. doing.
knew it was all soon coming to an end- done. doing.
hated yourself -done. doing.
missed home -done. doing.
missed your friends -done. doing.
missed yourself - doing.

I'm such a fuck up. seriously. Everywhere i go i mess things up somehow.

and i dont deserve the friends i have. some of them are there for me and then i fuck it up and they forgive me. the others are hardly ever there.

i deserve neither.

I'm angry.
I'm depressed.
I'm in denial.
I'm sorry.
I'm loved.
I'm hated.
I'm emotional.
I'm over-reacting.
I'm an attention seeker.
I'm NOT.
I'm alone.
I'm misunderstodd.
I'm selfish.
I'm ugly.
I'm fat.
I'm a failure.
I'm stupid.
I'm lost.
I'm repulsive.
I'm NOT.
I'm not me.
I'm me.
I'm unhappy.
I'm happy.
I'm wrong.
I'm right.
I'm alone.
I'm crowded.
I'm lost.
I'm found.
I'm sorry for all the people ive driven away.
I'm not sorry cos you should have stayed.
I'm pissed off.
I'm full of hate.

But there are days when i love life. Days when i hate it. Everyday is different. But at the end of the day...no matter what people say, no matter whether they say im an attention seeker, i know i lost me. Im a wreck. and no matter how i try, i cant seem to find that place. That place to make me me. Its hard. But im trying. Some days i will succeed, some i wont. but every little bit helps right? Yes, im depressed. But im sometimes happy too. Sometimes im faking it, sometimes im not. But when it comes down to it..life is hard. And everybody has problems. So dont-say-mine-aren't-important.

Chelsea. Tom. Kat. Amie. I love you all so much. Thank you.


Switchfoot- Twenty-Four

Twenty four oceans
Twenty four skies
Twenty four failures
Twenty four tries
Twenty four finds me
In twenty-fourth place
Twenty four drop outs
At the end of the day
Life is not what I thought it was
Twenty four hours ago

Still I'm singing Spirit take me up in arms with You
And I'm not who I thought I was twenty four hours ago
Still I'm singing Spirit take me up in arms with You

Twenty four reasons to admit that I'm wrong
With all my excuses still twenty four strong

See I'm not copping out not copping out not copping out
When You're raising the dead in me
Oh, oh I am the second man
Oh, oh I am the second man now
Oh, oh I am the second man now

And You're raising these twenty four voices
With twenty four hearts
With all of my symphonies
In twenty four parts
But I want to be one today
Centered and true

I'm singing Spirit take me up in arms with You
You're raising the dead in me
Oh, oh I am the second man
Oh, oh I am the second man now
Oh, oh I am the second man now
And You're raising the dead in me

I want to see miracles, see the world change
Wrestled the angel, for more than a name
For more than a feeling
For more than a cause

I'm singing Spirit take me up in arms with You
And You're raising the dead in me
Twenty four voices
With twenty four hearts
With all of my symphonies
In twenty four parts.
I'm not copping out. Not copping out. Not copping out.


Coldplay- The Scientist
Come up to meet you
Tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are.

I had to find you
Tell you I need you
Tell you I set you apart.

Tell me your secrets
And ask me your questions
Oh, let's go back to the start.

Runnin' in circles
Comin' up tails,
Heads are a science apart.

Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part.
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard.
Oh, take me back to the start.

I was just guessing
At numbers and figures
Pulling your puzzles apart.

Questions of science
Science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart.

Tell me you love me
Come back and hold me
Oh, when I rush to the start

Runnin' in circles
Chasin' tails
Comin' back as we are.

Nobody said it was easy
Oh, it's such a shame for us to part.
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard.
I'm goin' back to the start.

It's almost time to say goodbye, goodnight, and i love you.